This week on 9/10, marked four years since I landed in China and began my life as an ex-pat.
I truly never expected to be overseas for this long, but life certainly has been full of surprises. Part of me thinks that I will forever process how much living both in China and now in Thailand has changed me. I can relate to moves like The Terminal on an experiential level and better empathize with immigrants to the US who don’t speak much or any English. I know, however, my feelings run deeper than I can quite get my mind around.
I think about what I’m missing by not being back in MN. I am missing out on my friends’ children being born and growing up. When months, a year, or years pass before I see them, the shock of new additions and new inches wakes me up to my reality. New jobs, new relationships, new homes, new degrees–and so many other intimate details that I once took for granted since I was right there, in the thick of it all–seem to have turned into a distance relative that I never see.
I am not in the church I deeply loved in MN, sharing my life, struggles, and joys with that family. I do have a new church in my adopted country but I don’t really know anyone yet. I’m such an introvert that the idea of “putting myself out there” to make new friends is exhausting. Our lives are so busy with my teaching and our studies that there is barely time left over to invest in the stages of new friendship. I’d love to transplant some of my friends here to Chiang Mai because with my dearest ones, it’s so easy to pick up where we left off if it takes a long time before I can see them again. I would love to make some friends here that I’m close with but right now the idea of putting in the efforts for the initial stages of making friends seems, well, exhausting. I just have so much on my plate that, even though I’ve met people, spending a lot of time with them won’t be an easy feat, unless something changes in my schedule.
I reflect on three years in China, still trying to process the full experience. On the whole, I really didn’t like living in China, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t fond memories. I still think back to the people I met and the places I’ve been. Events like going to the Great Wall not once but four times is like a dream fulfilled. Because of going to China, I got to travel to other countries, which led me to fall in love with places like Seoul, Singapore, and my new home, Chiang Mai. Phil had a childhood wish come to fruition because of our time in China; we got to go to Japan during the cherry blossom festival.
Without China, I don’t know how likely it would be that we would have visited and decided to move to Thailand.
And now in Thailand, we enjoy an amazing mountain view in a rented house with a yard. We’ve got an abundance of space and multiple bathrooms, all for a lower cost than what the same would be in the US. Not having a winter is a really nice perk, too. I may be a MN native but that doesn’t mean I love the cold. I do miss MN falls with how beautiful they are, but after the crisp air starts to feel like ice, when the snow falls and the temperatures drop, then the weather is no longer enjoyable to me. In Thailand I wear tank tops year round and only sometimes get a small chill. Chiang Mai is not only beautiful but a culinary delight. We have access to food for so many cultures that eating out is an adventure.
Life has certainly not turned out as expected, but how often does that happen to anyone? Here’s to enjoying many more years overseas in Thailand.
Chicky Net – The social network for expat women living in Thailand
I was only supposed to be in Seoul for a year. Going on 2+ years now and knowing that we will likely resign next year. . . Plus, we are heavily considering Saudi Arabia after a short beak back home.
As much as I miss the good things, I am equally frustrated with the state of the world back there. Perhaps it’s my way of dealing with missing my favorite things; but I am much more negative about what I am ‘missing out on’.
My safety net just left me. The friend who started this whole process for me. The one I came to visit for two weeks who would introduce me to the potential that teaching English abroad has, would introduce me to the love I my life. 🙂 I am curious how much my view of this magical place might change without her. If my comfort with being so far away from things changes.
Enjoy! Congrats on your expat anni!!!
I certainly can appreciate how different it would be if you didn’t have your friend there when you went over and how it will change now that she’s gone. Going to China without knowing anyone on the other end was so hard. But it was also, in some ways, what I was expecting to do in college when I tried to study abroad and my mother blocked my every effort to leave. So I went from Lakeville to college in MN to getting married and living in MN for years. Phil and I wanted out, to go somewhere, to have adventure, but it didn’t seem possible for a long time. I had a Master’s I was working on and he was finishing his BA. Plus we just didn’t have money.
I never wanted to remain where I had always been. I know some like it, but I don’t. I was a bit unnerved when I needed to get a job after grad. school when my husband was in an accident and, upon going to the temp. agency, I was given a job at a company in Lakeville that is located across from McStop. Commuting to work past LHS was creepy. I did it for just over 2 years with my husband (who also worked there after he recovered from his accident). My unhappiness with that position pushed me to explore how to make a career of teaching, so I started teaching courses, not knowing it was income I could make no matter where I was in the world. China became a possibility not even two full months after I finally was able to quit the job in Lakeville. The rest is pretty much history.
About leaving: There is certainly a time when you know it’s time to go. We saw the writing on the wall in China, knowing we couldn’t stay. I’m glad we ended up in Thailand, though it was unexpected as I always thought that when China was done, I’d either end up in the States or Korea.
I am also glad, that as much as I miss my friends back home, that I haven’t been around for some of the mess with the economy and prices going up. We barely afforded life in MN without a child so now that we have one, I can’t imagine going back anytime soon to live.
For you, you’ve been in SK or Asia since you landed so I’m sure it will be nice to eventually visit the US again! I’ve been to Chicago and MN every summer, except the one we just finished. But we also were given airfare to/from each year as a part of our compensation in China or we likely would not have gotten those visits.
The pay in a lot of Middle Eastern countries is quite amazing. I don’t think I could handle the culture myself since I wouldn’t want to cover up, but I have known a lot of people who have gotten jobs in various Middle Eastern countries because of the benefits and pay. Plus, it would be a unique experience. With a child, I am more careful to what I want to expose him to in terms of what is “normal” behavior, so I don’t want him growing up anywhere that really shows women as second class. If I were not a mom, I’d be more inclined to give it a try. Perhaps. 🙂
Wherever you head next, I’m sure it will be a good adventure. Ever think us Lakeville girls would end up exploring the world so much? 🙂
Hi Shawna! I just read your interview on Chicky Net and found your blog. I moved to Chiang Mai with my husband and two kids (3 and 5) a month ago. I’m mostly enjoying the challenges of getting set up and the kids started in school, but it’s definitely time to start getting out and meeting people. Have you found any groups or activities around CM that have helped you start to feel support, and more at home? Thanks! Ellen
Hi Ellen,
Welcome! It’s been almost two years since we left China for Chiang Mai. I feel fairly at home now, but it took a while. There are kids play groups here though they sadly, conflict with our schedules so we don’t attend them. Are you in the city or one of the outer laying suburbs? We’re in San Sai which is really super close to town to make it into the city on a regular basis but also enjoy having our own house, too. We’ve got some friends though are always looking for more connections, too; our son, especially loves to play with kids so if you ever are interested in doing anything with the kids since the ages are similar, let me know and I can send you private contact information so we could set up something. We have a crazy insane schedule because we are both doing additional graduate work, are in Thai classes, and I work from home fully (online professor). But the bulk of our activities is home based and flexible so we can always schedule work around plans; that’s typically what we do. 🙂
Are both of your kids in school? Our son (3 now) is not yet in school. We’re not 100% sure if we are going to enroll him for this fall or wait. Potty training has been a major struggle with him and he needs to be out of diapers completely.
Are you in CM for a short while or for the long haul? We probably won’t leave soon, if at all! We just love it here.